Just Write

Just write he said. Sure that's easy for him to say, for him it has always
been about words. For me though it has always been thoughts and feelings,
actions and reactions. It has never been about words for me, whether on paper
or just spoken aloud. Just write. Ha! As if the words would come to me,
delivered on a silver platter as it were. To be put to pen as if assembling a
Christmas toy for some scruffy, needful child. Put tab "A" into Slot "B" and
all is well with the world. I have news for him, the plans were incomplete.
They shipped me a defective product with missing instructions so to speak. I
could no more make sense of this then from a pile of rubble following some
horrific explosion.

The words "Just write" keep resonating around inside the hollow space in my
head. They bounce first off the back of my head then slam forward into my
skull as if a tennis ball in an overtime death match. Searching for that lost
symbol, the hidden meaning that can be found in all assemblages of words.
There may be dozens of hidden meanings and inuendo, so much so that ten
people reading the same compilation get ten different meanings from it. And
they all will argue about it, saying they are right and everyone else's
interpretation is wrong. So am I to find some hidden truth in these two words
that refuse to leave me alone? Or am I to take them at face value and not
question the meanings or motives of those that would torture me with their
utterance?

Just write. Just write. Just write. Damn it, why can't they just leave me
alone? I never abused either of those two words. I have probably abused the
human language grammar rules as much or more then anybody before me, but I
have never singled those two words out. They have not been killed by me to
then rise up to some kind of alphabet martyrdom. The other words have not
placed "just" and "write" on some pedestal in some dark hall of wisdom and
reverence. I mean come on now, they are just four and five letters each, and
nine letters combined. Actually its only eight if you count the fact that the
letter "T" gets used twice. These words have nothing to feel self important
about. I mean they have nothing in common with their greater cousins, those
special and meaningful words like "sex" and "fire." You will most likely not
be arrested for running into a crowded theater and screaming "JUST WRITE" at
the top of your lungs. Try that with the word "FIRE" and you are likely to
find yourself in the clink for thirty days or so. While not causing the kind
of panic and fear that the word "fire" can, the word "sex" none the less can
make you the center of attention in any gathering when spoken out loudly. To
think, you can get all this attention due to three unassuming little letters.

So then to that end I ask, why have these two boring words brought me to my
grammatical knees? How can two words with such innocuous histories supplant
my verbal abilities with useless and worthless dribble? Was I forced as a
child to consume these words only to regurgitate them a short time later? Did
the corner walls my grade school teacher stand me in have these two words
written on them, so that I must stare at them until my mind went numb? Were
these two words subliminally played into my mind with every elevator ride or
possibly every dandruff commercial, to the point that my gray matter has
rebelled? The mere combination of these words being the key that locks out
all rational thought? How can all my cognitive vocalizations freeze up and
refuse to budge?

Just Write. There they are again. Over and over they beckon me only to
laugh and run further from my literary grasp. As I try to get closer I see
the words, I can feel the words, and I can even smell them. I can do most
anything but grasp them. They elude me like the proverbial rabbit jumping
into its warren at the hint of anyone getting too close. They taunt me. They
jump up to make sure I am still there and following them, and upon confirming
I am still in chase, off they go just out of reach again. Just Write. Over
there. Just Write. No, over there. Just Write. I see them just over that
alphabet hill. Just Write. Damn they are elusive! Just Write. OK, that's
enough. I have had about all of this I can take. "Just Write" my ass. Next
time someone gives me that suggestion again, I am gonna . . . . . ..
.. . ."Just Write"